How To Mentally Prepare For Your VBAC
I had my favorite room picked out at the birth center, it was the most spacious and the view from the window looked out into the woods. The bathtub looked inviting and the midwives were so kind and and gentle.
I was afraid of birth but excited to have this powerful experience I had seen once in real life and countless other times in videos. It felt like a secret society that once I had passed through its mysterious veil I would somehow have answers about myself I would otherwise never be able to know.
And then…three days before my due date the midwife thought my baby might be breech. It turned out she was and after several very difficult days and going into labor, even getting to 8cm, I had a cesarian section.
I was crushed. I did not prepare for this possibility despite it being discussed in the childbirth class I took.
Now, as a childbirth educator I try to instill a resiliency in my mama’s so that they don’t have to be crushed by a birth that falls short of their expectations.
Processing Your C-Section Birth
It is a good idea to unpack your birth story if you have unresolved feelings around it. This is something that I help women do in my private childbirth preparation sessions.
I help mom’s reframe their birth experience and understand where their personal growth has taken place as a result of that experience and how to apply that growth to prepare for their VBAC.
Sometimes mom’s will wonder why their body didn’t work, why it didn’t do what it was supposed to do. Or they blame themselves, if I just would have done this or not done that.
There is SO MUCH to know when it’s your first baby… and you can only know what you know by the end of the pregnancy! Even if you did know everything it wouldn’t be able to keep you from having a c-section. So much is out of our control.
Forgiveness Is The Key
Forgiving ourselves for whatever we might percieve to have been our fault. Forgiving our bodies. Forgiving friends, family members, and the biggest one, health care providers who were doing the best they knew how at that moment.
Oooooof! What?!
Understanding that the intention of the health professionals who were at your birth, although perhaps misguided, is to help people. We’re all always doing the best we know how in any given moment. When we know better, we do better (hopefully).
There is a lot of fear in the world of obstetrics. They have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders and there is the very real threat of litigation hanging over their heads.
This does not create the best environment for taking mom’s emotional needs into account.
Now this isn’t to say we should excuse abusive or negligent behavior. That’s a different thing entirely, what I’m talking about here are situations where, for example, a mom has been pushing for three hours and the OB comes in and says, “Do you really want to keep doing this? You don’t need to prove anything. I recommend a c-section”.
That’s a fairly demoralizing and defeating comment to make to a woman who has been working so hard to push her baby out.
More then likely it will lead to her having a c-section. Which after the fact might cause the mom to feel regret and resentment towards that OB.
This is where the forgiveness needs to come in as a piece of preparing for VBAC. So, in my example above, that OB really meant those words, to them a c-section is not a big deal at all, they are surgeons after all. Now, would it be great if all OB’s had a warm and encouraging bedside manner? Yes! But they don’t…So,
Knowing what questions to ask and how to advocate for yourself can increase your chances of having a successful VBAC.
The wonderful organization ICAN provides great resources for advocacy and information. Some cities have local chapters and hold meetings once a month so it’s also an opportunity to build community and gather support.
Preparing For Your VBAC
If you feel like your OBGYN did not support you or give you all of the information you needed either during your prenatal appointments or during birth then it might be a good idea to find a different practice of doctors who really take the time to listen to their patients and support a mom wanting to do a VBAC.
Some OB’s do not support VBAC. I highly recommend seeking out a hospital or practice where nurse midwives are on staff and do a large percentage of the deliveries.
The midwifery model of care, which is still delivered in a hospital, is much more patient-centered care and attentive to the needs of the pregnant mother.
They often have a warm and genuine bedside manner and are willing to take the time to listen to you and answer all your questions.
The role they play in the birthing room often takes on more of a relaxed approach that allows women to follow their bodies natural intuition.
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